Month: February 2016

The Fat Friend

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

It angers me so much when perfectly healthy gorgeous women are labelled the ‘Fat One’. Jesy Nelson from Little Mix has been the target of yet another abusive attack following the bands performance at The Brits Wednesday evening. Why are girls so sodding spiteful?!? How many of the nasty insignificant girls (they’re not women) would have the courage to even get up on stage in front of thousands of people, let alone get up on stage in a skimpy outfit! I know I wouldn’t be able to.  People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!

Having always been the ‘Fat Friend’ I feel an overwhelming respect towards Jesy. Let’s face it if you’re even one dress size larger than your friends you’ll always look bigger. That being said a size 12 is not big, far from it.

I hated school. The reason for this was bullies. I’ve already mentioned that I was the ‘Big’ one (I was around 5ft 6″ and a size 14 when I started secondary school) and I had it all stacked against me; I had acne (the joys of PCOS) my hair was auburn with a natural wave to it (pre Ghds) I had train tracks and I became short sighted at 14 so began wearing glasses (thankfully only to read the whiteboard and my lovely mum bought me Gucci glasses, so they were fashionable at the time). Seriously I was a bullies dream, handed to them on a plate (or school bus).

Weight and size should mean nothing – Personality and confidence is what counts. That being said, when you’re constantly faced with images of Skinny Minnies and you hear or read nasty comments about larger women it’s often difficult to believe that’s true. I mean my ‘Mission Love Me’ is basically about me losing weight so that I will love myself and change my body to became what I perceive men want. Those vindictive words said to me whilst growing up got me to my core, I remember every single jeer, every tear I cried. In many ways I’m thankful to the bullies, they gave me my hard mardy exterior, to which many may get the impression that I’m confident; but really I’m shy and the bullies left me with scars, scars from a battle at 32 years old I’m still fighting. ‘Mission Love Me’ is just that – I go to the gym now (still not as often as I should) to help me feel good about myself. To change my body, and my state of mind. No matter how much my body changes, I will always be the ‘Fat Friend’ and I fear I will always be in the search of ‘perfection’.

Gym visits this week = 3

Not my best efforts I know, and again I do feel bad. I went on Monday for PT for another session of torture fun! I said to Phil that I’m basically the female Karl Pilkington – I’m always moaning haha. I also hit the gym Tuesday and Thursday. I should have gone Friday, but I just wasn’t feeling it this week. It was a really long week, that had got me a little down and more mardy than the norm so I just wasn’t in the mind-set for working out.

On Wednesday I got some news that I wasn’t expecting nor was I prepared to see. It upset and made me angry even though there was no reason for it to which then makes me even more angry for being annoyed and angry in the first place – Does that make any sense at all? Either way my gorgeous sister sensed and knew that I’d be feeling mopey so she came over for dinner with a lovely bunch of roses to cheer me up – Thanks Sissy x

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Last night I went for dinner with one of my oldest friends, we’ve know each other for 17 years now, which is crazy! We had a lovely meal in Bills and I caught her up on my ‘Eastenders’ soap opera life. There were lots of “No!” “I can’t believe it” and “WTF” said through out story time last night, as tragic as my life is, it does make my friends and me giggle and smile.

Hot of the press today – We have booked our holiday to Florence. Yippee!! I’m so excited, June can not come round soon enough. The countdown to gelato, pizza, pasta, wine and espressos has begun!

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Oh I also went on a date this afternoon. Not sure there was a spark, however it went well and I haven’t ruled out seeing him again. So all in all my week of ups and downs has finished on a relative high.

L x

Please Return To…

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

It feels like its been such a long week!

Well you’ll be pleased to read that my paper cuts and scratches from all the envelope opening and flower arranging have healed nicely following the bombardment of cards and roses I received from all my admirers (typed in jest). I did thoroughly enjoy my nonconventional Valentines date last Sunday with my lovely friends and Adam Hills. Adams act was really funny, we giggled lots and saw a lot more of Mr Hills than we expected due to his ‘F**k You Cancer’ strip.

I had my usual PT on Monday. This weeks was a cardio packed workout, bike, rowing machine (I have blisters to show for it) and cross trainer. As you all know the reason I’m working my Kim K off and have these Personal Training sessions is to aid in my mission, Mission Love Me. Its tough and I’m nowhere close to accomplishing this yet, however I’m getting there slowly. My workouts with Phil are definitely helping, as when I’m with him I’m not hating myself so much but hating him for half killing me!

This week has been my worst for gym attendance in a long while, I only managed to get my butt there twice! Such a poor show and I’m annoyed with myself, however part of the reason for this (lame excuse I know) is on Tuesday evening the Cross Trainer and I had a little disagreement. The Cross Trainer won the fight and my left leg looked as though I had two knees, the second new knee being located between my actual knee and my ankle! Over the past few days my shin has gone from shades of purple/red to now a delightful greeny/yellow (its a treat for the eyes – Not).

I can really see how I’m paying the price for my lack of dates with gym this week. I’ve felt more sleepy and lethargic and my body looks and feels more squidgy. Despite this I did however manage to fit into my sisters size 10 Banana Republic jeans – This seriously made my Saturday evening (although my sister wasn’t as impressed!) There’s no way I’m a size 10, I’m not even a comfortable 14 yet so I think it was a fluke that I squeezed myself into them but either way it put a smile on my face and made me do a silly ‘I’m getting there’ dance around the bedroom. I also treated myself to a new dress for work last weekend in a size 14, so although I’m having a fatty feeling week, my efforts at the gym are beginning to pay off.

A work colleague asked me what I am doing – He said that every time he sees me I’m getting smaller and smaller. Again hearing comments like this really help me stay motivated and focused. Today I went into trusty M&S, I wanted to get a new strapless bra. They didn’t have my usual size, so I took the size smaller into the changing room to try on. Now, today my worst fear was realised…….my boobs have got smaller!!! Now apart from my wrists and ankles (which are both ridiculously skinny) and my Kim K (I’ve always been pretty happy with my derrière) my boobs I’ve always loved. I’ve lived by the moto, ‘If you’ve got them flaunt them’ or ‘If in doubt whack them out’ so to say I was mortified to purchase a bra that is two cup sizes smaller today is an understatement. My plea to you all is, if you find my missing cleavage, please return to L Roberts. There will be no cash reward, however if returned, I may be able to put them to good use and get us some free drinks at the bar (Browns in Reading is normally a safe shout)

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Back to good old Marks & Spencer, fellow gin drinkers, you must try their Ready to Drink Mint & Cucumber Gin & Tonic – It’s very refreshing and went down a treat Friday evening.

I’m still in need of a holiday – My sister and I are still looking into Florence in June, but I definitely need to get some sun before June. I would have perhaps visited my friend in Turkey, however news this weekend from him that his girlfriend of five and a half months is 14 weeks pregnant has almost certainly put paid to that happening, which is really naff. I’m going to have a little look on Secret Escapes in a second, see what deals I can be tempted by.

I’ve been trying to channel Carrie Bradshaw over the past week or so, I’ve been thinking about relationships, and finding ‘The One’ so I might post a little piece for you to read over the next few days (when I actually get round to typing it up from notes I’ve jotted down on my mobile)

Until I type again, Happy Smonday.

L x

Love is in the….correction Nitrogen, Oxygen, Argon & Carbon Dioxide is in the air

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

Obviously there have been an abundance of cards, flowers and gifts sent to me…….not that I’ve actually seen them yet, perhaps the postman couldn’t carry all the cards and Interflora have left all the bouquets outside someone else’s house?!? Tomorrow sees the day that society has labelled the day of love, blah! If you’re with someone you should love them everyday of the year and declare and show this to them too, there shouldn’t be a designated day. I mean us singletons don’t have a dedicated day in the diary for National Singles Day, oh wait apparently there is, S.A.D Single Awareness Day on the 15th February; I guess they’ll be lots of reduced (overpriced just a few days before) stems of roses available in Waitrose on Monday, perhaps I’ll treat myself.

The 14th of February is just a day in between the 13th and 15th – Give me Valentino Rossi over Valentines day.

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I do actually have a date tomorrow, however not in the traditional manner. Affectionately called the ‘Petulant Little Sister’ I’m playing third wheel with my lovely friends who have invited me to join them at The Anvil to see Adam Hills. I did point out that it is Valentines day and I didn’t want to gate crash and was told that it’s no big deal, it’s only a big deal if I make it one. So I’m going and really looking forward to it having fun and a bit of a giggle.

I’ve not had a very good week gym wise. I went Monday for my PT session, and then again Tuesday for slow, painful stint on the bike. Wednesday’s are family night so didn’t go, then I’d forfeited Thursday for an meal out with a friend; but she cancelled which was really annoying as I didn’t bring my gym kit with me so instead of driving home and back into town to Nuffield my sister invited me round for dinner so I had a lovely evening with my sissy. I did go for my regular Friday date and managed to go on the treadmill, bike and rower, but felt completely pathetic at how knackered I felt as I listened to Greg James on Radio One after he’d completed his fifth and final Triathlon or #Gregathlon – Seriously he’s an amazing human being, he ran, swam and cycled 246 miles raising £816,808 for Sports Relief (check out www.sportsrelief.com or you can text GREG to 70703 to donate)

I spent some of today going through my clothes, which is like a workout if I’m honest. I currently can’t actually see my bed under the mound of dresses, skirts, jumpers and bras piled high on there. Good news is that even my pathetic efforts at the gym are paying off and new items of clothing I’ve purchased (but not cut the tags off of) are now zipping up nicely, fitting me perfectly and really flattering my ever changing curves which puts a smile on my usually mardy face. Ooh and I have a confession to make, I ordered a new pair of boots yesterday from River Island (although I’m slimming down, I’m still curvy and curvy girls buy shoes and handbags – its our thing) so I’m excited about picking them up in the week.

My sister and I still haven’t booked our holiday in Florence yet, although we did start browsing the internet on Wednesday evening. We’ve found a few hotels we like the look of, the main issue is our snobby flight requirements – We’d like to fly with BA or Alitalia, preferably from Heathrow, Gatwick if we have to, and we’d ideally like a mid-morning flight to maximise our girlie getaway (not too much to ask really?!?). I’ll continue to search, my sister is leaving it to me to organise (she’s said she’ll provide the credit card though) and hopefully we’ll have something booked in the next week or so. Eek exciting.

That’s me done for tonight; wishing all you loved up folk a fab time tomorrow and fellow singletons remember you’re loved by many people every day of the year.

L x

Smug Me

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

I’m currently sat here watching (in between typing) the Ireland Vs Wales RBS 6 Nations match (as well as being into the bikes, I’m a rugby fan too!) although I must admit I’m a little less interested since Gordon D’Arcy has retired from International games.

So I’m feeling pretty pleased with myself this week as I actually managed to get my Kim K to the gym five times this week! Yep I had my PT session with Phil on Monday (I had joked that this post may be called RIP Phil – Death by Kettlebell – after he had me kettlebell swinging amongst other hideous workouts). I then had my usual Tuesday stint where I went on the bike, which I swear is getter harder and tougher the fitter I become – What’s that all about? Wednesday’s are usually saved for dinner with my sister, however I had arranged to meet with some friends, but as we weren’t meeting until 7:45pm I had time for a gym sesh; so straight from work I headed to Nuffield did 40 minutes on the bike, 5 minutes on the rower, 10 minutes on the cross trainer and then one my besties came in and she got us set up with some weights and we did a little circuit together. Its always easier and more fun to work out with someone else, to learn new things and support each other. I then did solo bike and cross trainer work Thursday and Friday. Oh and Monday through to Thursday I went on lunch time walks, clocking up around 10 to 12 miles. Smug Laura.

Following on from Wednesdays workout I met up with my girlfriends for dinner. I’ve not seen the girls since before my holiday in September, so it was really lovely seeing them and having a good old gossip. After faffing around showering, drying and straightening my hair and sorting my face out, I was a little late arriving at the restaurant. The first thing my friend said was “Undo your coat – I need to see how much weight you’ve lost” I’ve said before that I don’t really think that I’ve particularly lost weight or changed in appearance but both my gorgeous friends on Wednesday evening seem to think I have, so I’m bagging the compliments (which I don’t normally accept) and using them as my motivation to stick with the gym and progress through ‘Mission Love Me’. As a reward for my gym visit earlier in the evening I did treat myself to a cheeky G&T (slimline tonic) oh and I also had a piece of Tiramisu (I had only had a salad as my main – Hell I don’t need to justify myself!)

Yesterday evening was full of giggles as my sister and I went to Henley on Thames to see BYP’s production of Rock of Ages at the Kenton Theatre. We had been told not to expect a Tony Award winning performance, however parts of it were really well done, with great comic timing, others looked as though random people had just wandered on the stage.  Due to the atrocious weather last night we only stayed for the show and then headed home, however I must say I clocked a number of extremely good looking men in a bar we walked past, so I think perhaps Henley may be calling me for a Gin & Tonic or two.

L x

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