Games

Why isn’t life like a Disney movie?

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

Why is dating / trying to date so bloody hard?!? It’s honestly like a full time job that could give you RSS in the process! My views on dating and romance have always been very fairy-tale like, girl meets boy, girl falls in love, girl and boy live happily ever after. Well let me tell you, life is not Disney and parents should tell their little girls (and boys) this when they’re growing up. You won’t find seven little men Hi Ho-ing to help you find your prince (unless perhaps you work in some stables with a bunch of jockeys), you won’t first meet your prince being woken up by him with a kiss (if you are woken up by a complete stranger in this way I suggest testing out all known Body Combat moves, screaming loudly and calling the police) nor will Mr Charming track you down should you lose a shoe on an alcohol fuelled evening. And finally any street rats you come across are likely to remain rats and won’t become princes who ride magic carpets and Mrs Pots is unlikely to prettify any Beasts out there either.

I honestly don’t think I’m asking for the earth, when I’d simply like to find a tall, dark, handsome, chances are foreign (it’s my thing – moth to a flame and all) blokie who has a slight sarcastic arrogance about him, but will treat me like a princess (and have good genes, thinking ahead!)  Oh and a more recent addition to my list of requirements is voice – He needs to have a dreamy voice and accent, please.  It seems apparent following recent dates that my ‘Tall’ requirement is unlikely to be achieved as men these days appear to have stopped growing around the age of 15 and at a push have a height of 5ft8″!  I’m not the tallest of girls, 5ft7″ but I do like to don a sassy pair of heels (although following a visit to the doctors this week and being advised I have the onset of osteoarthritis in my knees flats are becoming my new best friend) and therefore ideally I’d like to meet someone who is at least 5ft9″ plus.

Having said this the last date I went on was perfect (and he’s probably 5ft8/9″ – it’s hard to gage when you’re similar heights I think).  I didn’t once compare him to SkoA, he was the perfect gentleman, he travelled to my town (he lives in East London) and it was a really lovely evening.  But since it went well and I quite like him it’s almost a dead cert that it won’t go any further as the pattern seemingly goes like this – I like them, they don’t like me and then vice versa, the ones I’ve written off adore me (god knows why – complete mystery!)  So as it stands I’m very much on the shelf, a dusty shelf pushed right to the back, likely to go out of date!

So April sucked, I hated that month and I had a feeling that I was going to hate August too.  I’d prepared myself for an answer to a question, I asked the question last month, holding my breath in the process, which I felt I’d been doing since August last year.  I got the answer, ‘No, not yet, not for a while yet’  I felt like I could breathe again; not fully, not full deep breathes but a little, just enough to get some oxygen into my lungs and give me a little more life.  Fast forward to this week and I find out the answer to my question wasn’t the ‘not for a while yet’ and in fact as I had thought whilst I’d held my breath before, the answer is actually ‘Yes!  Right now!’  It now feels like a bullet has been shot through my heart for a third time.  To quote Swifty “Band aids don’t fix bullet holes” so what the hell will?!?!  I’m hoping that I’ll find the answer with my trusty one again, off again love – Gym!  Avoiding games, will also undoubtedly help my heart recover.  A player will tell you not to hate the player, hate the game, and well that’s been my problem; I don’t hate the player (not even now) it’s the game I’m not a fan of.  That’s a bit of a lie, the game is lots of fun initially, it’s just when you start losing it slowly becomes shit and you get burnt!  Lesson learnt – Don’t play with fire (and don’t fall, head must at all times rule heart!!)

My on off love affair with the gym and fitness continues as usual.  I’ve recently started a diet plan (fallen off the wagon a little the past week or so, aching heart and buggered knees are to blame!) and Phil has given me some workouts to follow alongside my weekly PT sessions.  I know I say this in pretty much every post, but it is all about ‘Mission Love Me’.  I’m certain that once I conquer this sodding self-loathing and hatred towards myself and my body that I’ll be happy and in turn good things (beings) will come my way – Fingers and toes crossed.  I have also been told that I need to fish in different ponds!  My response to this remark (from a ‘happily’ married man) was “You find and tell me what pond I should fish in and I shall fish it!”  It’s highly unlikely he’ll be able to find me a pond as I am almost certain the majority are dried up! I will of course be the first to take that back should a recommend pond produce a tall, dark, handsome prince; but lets face it, going on past fishing excursions it’s more likely to produce frogs and toads!

This time last year I was in Italy and the year before that I was sunning myself in Sharm El Sheikh; today I’m stuck at work and it’s grey, wet and miserable (very reflective of my mood) outside.  Get me on a plane – I desperately need some R&R!!  My sister and I did have a lovely little visit to the beach last week.  We went ‘Out Out!’ to see Micky Flangan at the BIC in Bournemouth on his ‘An’ Another Fing’ Tour – It was HILARIOUS!!!  The two of us haven’t laughed that much in a long time and teamed with a stroll along the beach, sea air and a Margarita in Chiquitos it was just what the doctor order and laughter is definitely a marvellous drug.

So this is basically where I’m at right now: holey damaged heart, knackered knees, drinking a hideous concoction (it’s certainly not GIN!) in the mornings as per Phil and the diet, trying to again increase my gym visits and get some sass back!  I’m definitely still a work in progress, but i’m getting there, slowly.

L x

The Moans

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

So perhaps there is something to say for endorphins – I’ve always pooh poohed the concept that there is such a thing as happy hormones, but having been totally and utterly shit for pretty much a whole year with regards to gym visits my moody miserable bitchy hormones (I simple call them The Moans) have been spiralling out of control and have taken me to a whole never level of Mizzog. So I think those little ‘Dolphins’ (dolphins always seem so happy don’t they) aka endorphins have in the past helped counter balance ‘The Moans’.  So I 100% need to get my lardy Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian combined sized arse back in the gym – I need some happy in my life and I’m certain my on again off again love, Gym can help me; so tonight I have got back on the wagon (or bike in this case) to start my quest to find some happiness (mission love me recommences for the hundredth time!)


So the reason for the lack of posts is plain and simple there’s been No Gym, some Gin (thanks to Craft Gin Club and my birthday) and No Games what so ever have been played (certainly no scrabble!!).

Although I’ve had the odd burst of gym enthusiasm over the past year, my visits have dwindled so much that I’m shocked every time I do manage to walk through the door and my card allows me through the barrier. I’m very much back to square one! Fitness levels are non existent right now, I managed 20.5km on the bike tonight in 65 minutes – Pathetic! And following my recent trips (oh yeah they’ve happened in the time since my last post, along with my birthday and my sisters) evidence of everything I’ve eaten and drunk over the past few months has taken residence on my stomach! Joy!  

My holiday in Barcelona was lush – Had the best time. It was relatively lazy, I’m really not sure how Mum and I managed to get some much of the touristy bits done last time we went, but because we had seen so much already we just enjoyed the city and the gorgeous Spanish sun. Race day on the Sunday was particularly hot especially being sat on a stand with no cover what so ever; my freckles definitely got topped up! We spent a day at the beach, I managed to have a little swim in the sea, and just enjoyed some much needed R&R. Following on from our last visit where I took my Mum to Uma (an alternative restaurant, think Heston wacky) I booked us into a more suitable restaurant this time around – Accès (www.acces-bcn.com/en) it was amazing! Staff were a delight and the food was outstanding; my Mum actually said that it’s the best meal she’s ever had. Throughout the holiday I also enjoyed numerous gin and tonics and sangria – It would have been too rude not to – Me gusta gin y tónicos y sangría.


Me and Sissy also spent a lovely weekend in Edinburgh (pre birthday girlie getaway). We flew up from Southampton on a little noddy plane (terrifying). Checked into the hotel and then had a little look around before heading back to the room to get ready for dinner. We had booked into Forage and Chatter (www.forageandchatter.com) and had the most amazing steak, it was delicious, so yummy. It would appear that Forage and Chatter is the place to go as Justin Trudeau visited a few days later whilst staying in the city. My sister then found an absolute hidden gem of a bar called Panda & Sons (www.pandaandsons.com) Such a cool place, from the outside it looks like a barber shop, you walk downstairs and through the bookcase door into the bar. Table service so no pushing and queuing, cocktails delivered right to you – Amazing!  We spent the next day exploring the Castle and the sights and then as we were in Scotland thought it was only fitting to try some Whiskey, so we went on the Whiskey Experience (which following on from the Bananaman cocktail my sister had had in Panda the night before we weren’t so sure how much of a good idea this was). All went well and we both found whiskeys that we like – It will obviously never be my tipple of choice, no spirit can replace my love for gin.


Although I’ve been feeling completely low and out of sorts of late, I have shared some really lovely fun family days with my Mum and Sister namely at stately homes and palaces. On my birthday we spent the day at Blenheim Palace and then a few weeks later we took a day off work and visited Hampton Court. Our family days have had a rather regal grand theme to them. Last Monday was my sisters birthday, she wanted to visit The Tate Modern so that’s exactly what we did. I was very sceptical about this, however I found myself appreciating some (you can’t appreciate all of it, a yellow Perspex triangle stuck on the wall and varying filled levels of Coca-Cola bottles are not art in my opinion, but what do I know?!?) We ended our visit with a scrummy afternoon tea at The Swan at The Globe (www.swanlondon.co.uk/afternoon-tea) complete with a Love Potion cocktail (I’m still awaiting the effects however)


To summarise, I’ve not been to the gym (and my tummy proves this) I have enjoyed some rather scrummy food (gin and sangria) in Barcelona, Edinburgh, Newbury (www.lussokitchen.co.uk = Best gelato and http://www.arigatodining.co.uk) and London (again my overindulgence is clearly visible).  

This time last year I was shattered and instead of turning a negative into a positive I’ve allowed this feeling to make me feel shit. Well enough’s enough and I need to take control again and to quote the gorgeous Bradley Simmonds I need to “Get it done” 

So watch this space 
L x

Butterflies be gone!

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

Do you ever write a message in a card or send a text and mean the complete opposite of what you’ve written? When you wish someone lots of happiness but actually want to say ‘I want you to be as miserable as you’ve made me feel’. I’ve done this a few times over the past few weeks, just call me Little Miss Passive Aggressive.

What’s that saying, “Play with fire and you’ll get burnt” I certainly feel scolded right now, completely my fault, actually no, not completely my fault; I played the game, I lost and it sucks. What sucks even more are butterflies I can’t seem to kill off in my tummy that make me feel sick far more often than I’d like to even admit to. The game is over butterflies, so take your giddy stomach churning feelings and bugger off!

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So I’ve completely written off April, I don’t even think the Easter bunny delivering chocolate eggs will cheer me up or get me out off this awful mood. I have been hitting the gym lots hoping that the endorphins will work their magic although they don’t appear to have had much effect as yet but it is only the 14th of the month. I’m annoyed with myself for falling of the gym waggon last Summer and for my poor effort at the start of the year (granted I had a poxy cold) I was really hoping to ‘love me’ in 2017 but almost a third of the year down and I’m nowhere close. Hence I’m now desperately trying to get my revenge body by becoming a bit of a gym bunny again – I was waiting outside this morning for the gym to open, aiming to make Good Friday a Great Friday. I ran (I’m not runner though, think Phoebe Friends), then I went on the bike (think Bridget Jones) followed by a visit to some of the arm weight machines (back boobs & bingo wings – Done)

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Since my last post my Sister treated our Mum (and me) to the most delicious meal at John Campbell’s The Woodspeen (www.thewoodspeen.com) for Mother’s Day. I had the Scallops with pigs cheeks to start followed by Fillet of beef and then it would appear our waiter had me sussed and knew before taking our desert order that I would choose the ‘Pina Colada’ Coconut parfait, macadamia crumble and pineapple & lemongrass sorbet (just listing the food is making my mouth salivate!) We went to The Woodspeen on the Saturday evening so on the Sunday, Mother’s Day aka Betty’s Day we laid on a champagne afternoon tea (I successfully made scones for the first time) It was a weekend full of eating and drinking, which is another reason why I need to up my game at the gym (plus colleagues appear to be sabotaging my weight loss by baking flipping cakes that I can’t refuse sampling!)

Spring sprung last weekend (although it appears to have vanished for the time being) and it was lovely to wear one of my summer dresses and get my lily white legs out in the sun (honestly my legs are like Casper the Ghost – when people sunbathe next to me they get the best tan because I reflect the sun!) I spent the weekend in my sisters back garden topping up my freckles, watching the planes fly overhead wondering where they were jetting off to wishing I was on board. My holiday is about 8 weeks away, I can’t wait! I’m going back to Barcelona, so I’ll be testing my Spanish skills; Me llamo Laura, mi número es cero siete nueve cinco……..taking in the stunning sights, dipping my toes in the Balearic Sea and hitting the shops! I love shopping and shopping in Barcelona is fab, with Spanish brands like Zara and Mango on almost every street the experience seems far more stress free than here. Since losing some weight I enjoy shopping even more as I can find clothes that fit me in the majority of outlets, it also gives me the opportunity to try different styles. I’ve also been trying different make-up and changing my look a little there too. One of my besties sells Younique make-up products (www.youniqueproducts.com/mrsbeckythompson/products/landing) so my current go to eye shadows are from the Younique Addiction palette No3, I use ‘Smitten’ as my base, topped with ‘Flippant’ and ‘Cheeky’ to create a subtle yet sassy smokey look.   The 3D Fiber Lashes+ mascara is amazing too (although I do have to be a little careful if I’m wearing my contact lenses) The lip exfoliator is brilliant for a silky smooth kissable pout and my sister swears by the Behold setting powder.

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I’ve had quite a few G&Ts over the past month, my hairdresser said that perhaps that’s why I’m in such a mopey mood as it can make you depressed!?! Nope I think gin is my saviour and I’d be far more miserable without it, so thank goodness I received my second gin delivery of the year from Craft Gin Club.

So I’ve made it through half of April as a Mardy Moany Mizzog, only another 16 days to go! My aim is to have as many dates with good old gym as possible in the hope that I can improve my mood (I think the chances of that happening are slim to none, but the hope is there)

I hope you all have amazing Easter breaks.

L x

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A 1/4 of mardiness

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

How is March already? Where the heck did January and February vanish to? After my first post of 2017, just hours after Big Ben had chimed and I bid farewell to 2016, my aim was to get back on track with everything and to keep my blog up to date. Hmmm given that it’s now the 22nd March and this is my second post, it’s safe to say I’ve not got off to the best start!

I started January off with the best intentions only for them to get scuppered with me catching a sodding cold! My first gym visit of 2017 was as I had mentioned in my 1st January post on the New Year’s Day Bank Holiday Monday – I was sat outside waiting for the gym to open, such a keen bean. I think I managed one other visit that week and that was it until I felt well enough to hit the gym again on the 23rd January! Since I’ve recovered from my inconsiderate cough and cold I’ve really been trying to get my derriere back in the gym. Phil is pushing me in my PT sessions (I’m trying to be less moany – I told Phil it was my new years resolution, to be less of a moany bitch in our sessions and that was the real reason why I’d been poorly and not hitting the gym; meaning I got through a whole month of keeping this resolution haha). Phil made me do box jump thingies holding a weight a few weeks back – I can’t jump so this was the most hideous thing EVER! Plus he knows I’m single and he’s making me look fricking idiot! I think it’s pay back for all my past (and future) moaniness!!

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I felt rather sorry for myself in January with girl flu (the lesser strain of man flu) and then February came along and I was over the month before it had even begun! The shortest month of the year seemed to go on and on and on. At the start of the year I had high hopes that 2017 was going to be a good year, but now almost a quarter in I’m not really feeling it (what exactly ‘It’ is, I’m not entirely sure, but I’ve definitely not got the good vibes). One part of the year so far I have been a fan of however is my gin delivery from Craft Gin Club www.craftginclub.co.uk – In January I received the most delicious botanical gin distilled by Glendalough, Irelands first craft distillery (www.glendaloughdistillery.com) It’s sooooo good (a trip to the Emerald Isle is definitely on the cards to replenish supplies) My next bottle is due to land on my doorstep early April, I can’t wait!! #treatsforme

2017 finds me still very much single and living in hope that my Mr Right (I’ll settle for Mr Right Now) is waiting for me just around the corner (I obviously will not be holding my breath and do expect to see pigs fly before I happen to stumble across said Mr) I really wish I would stop falling for complete and utter arseholes and start seeing and liking some of the ‘Nice’ blokies that are out there – Why do us girls like the arrogant shits out there?!? Why do we rip our own hearts outs?!? Answers on a postcard please. I saw a post on Instagram the other week that I reposted, it said this: Email 12 years ago: ‘If you don’t forward this, you’ll be unlucky and single forever’ – Me 12 years ago: ‘LMAO, yeah right, OK’ – Me now: ‘Very much single and very unlucky. Shit’ I think Elite Daily could be onto something here, I shall be searching through my old emails for any chain mails so do expect to receive spam from me in your inbox; in the hope that I can rectify my singleton status! My sister told me that I might have to kiss a few more frogs before I find my Prince (frogs, more like pond scum) Depressing isn’t even the word!

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The new MotoGP season starts tomorrow – So perhaps my fave men (and their leathers) will pick my mood up a little; I’m certain my little trip to Barcelona in June for the Catalunya race will put a smile on my face (for a week at least) I loved mine and Mum’s trip there a few years ago, bikes, sights, beach, food and drinks – What’s not to love about that?!? Me and Sis had a fab weekend in Camden a few weeks back, we saw The Chainsmokers at The Roundhouse, which was amazing and had a lush meal at Gordon Ramsay’s York & Albany.  We’re also booked to go to Edinburgh for a weekend in July too, so I’ll be clocking up a few more Airmiles over the coming months and taking in some new scenery, so I’m looking forward to that.

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I did my first good deed for the year last week and gave blood (www.blood.co.uk) I’m O Negative so my blood is like liquid gold and in high demand following the winter months. Only 7% of the population are O -, people of other blood groups can be given O -, however we can only receive our blood group so I’m really chuffed that I was able to donate again (I’m booked in again for July, so fingers crossed the NHS Vampires will be able to find another vein to draw off another pint then)

To summarise the first three months of the year, I’ve been a proper mizzog (partly due to a horrible cold) I’m still single (I did go on a date a few weeks ago, but he’s not for me, doesn’t tick all the boxes on my check list) I’m trying to trim down my bum, tum and thighs at the gym (although it appears only boobage is disappearing much to my dismay) No games have been started or resumed (much to my disappointment) I’ve given blood, booked holidays and very much still love gin!

I promise I shall try and be less tardy and will write another post again soon (Warning – I have written April off already – SkoA reasons)

As always thanks for reading my rather dull, uneventful blog – Mwah

L x

Gym, Gin & The Game of Life

~ lorz83 ~ Leave a comment

Welcome to my blog!

Hi! I’m Laura, 32 and single.  At the end of last year I decided that 2016 is going to be the year I learn to love myself, one step towards achieving this was going to the gym so I thought I’d journal the highs and lows of ‘Mission Love Me’
I’ve never really written in a diary, I think the last time I did Bridget Jones was on at the cinema, so I would have been around 18 (jeez that was a long time ago!) Unlike Miss Jones my tipple is Gin (and of course wine) so it only seemed fitting that it features in my blogs title “Gym, Gin & Game of Life”

Like most girls I have continuous battles with my weight and size, which is emotionally exhausting – hence why the gym often feels like such an effort and chore.  I rejoined the gym back in 2014 and I religiously went 4 or 5 times a week for a good few months; then of course something pops up, a holiday or a cold and before I knew it I wasn’t going, I’d fallen off the wagon.  My membership continued and I would go through phases of being a gym bunny to not even knowing where my trainers were collecting dust!  In September I decided things had to change and in order to become a ‘Bad Ass with a Good Ass’ I got myself a Personal Trainer – Eek!!

I had my 14th PT session on Monday and I swear each week he is trying to kill me!  My personal trainer is Phil – I used to work with him (obviously not in a gym) before he became a trainer.  I’m not sure if Phil being a friend is a good thing or a bad thing; does he push me harder or is he a little softer on me?!?  With an array of different coloured kettlebells at various weights, TRX ropes, step boxes our sessions go something like this:

Phil: Are you warmed up? Right I’m going to push you really hard tonight.  Me: Eugh!! Phil: Right you’re going to do 10 x deadlifts then 10 x squats followed by 10 x blah blah blah (that’s what I hear at least) Me: Oh I hate these. Me: These are the worst. Me: Hideous! Me: Seriously this is the worst week!

It’s no wonder I feel like he’s killing me – I’d want to kill me after all my moaning, wincing and whinging.  I think Phil might actually be a Saint and I’m really thankful to him for putting up with me.  At the end of each session we head over to the mats (best part of the hour workout) and he always tells me I’ve done really well.  I always think he’s lying, but as friends and family have begun telling me the gym is paying off, perhaps I should start believing them all.

So that’s the ‘gym’ covered in brief.  ‘Gin’ is gin and doesn’t really need much of an explanation.  It’s my tipple of choice these days, an acquired taste that my palate only became accustomed to at the age of 28/29.  Which just leaves ‘Game of Life’ which again doesn’t really need explaining – My view is that life, especially ones love life is somewhat a game.  Take dating as an example, or should I say the search for a date.  Shamefully I have Tinder and POF installed on my phone, classed as dating apps but really should be listed as games.  Swipe left, swipe right….Snap! Oh I mean ‘It’s a match’  Often that’s as far as the game gets and its ‘Game Over’ before any things happened, sometimes however things progress and the game commences and you work your way through the levels; this will for sure be a topic I cover frequently on this blog…..so until I type again, thank you for reading my first ever post.

L x