The Moans

So perhaps there is something to say for endorphins – I’ve always pooh poohed the concept that there is such a thing as happy hormones, but having been totally and utterly shit for pretty much a whole year with regards to gym visits my moody miserable bitchy hormones (I simple call them The Moans) have been spiralling out of control and have taken me to a whole never level of Mizzog. So I think those little ‘Dolphins’ (dolphins always seem so happy don’t they) aka endorphins have in the past helped counter balance ‘The Moans’.  So I 100% need to get my lardy Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian combined sized arse back in the gym – I need some happy in my life and I’m certain my on again off again love, Gym can help me; so tonight I have got back on the wagon (or bike in this case) to start my quest to find some happiness (mission love me recommences for the hundredth time!)


So the reason for the lack of posts is plain and simple there’s been No Gym, some Gin (thanks to Craft Gin Club and my birthday) and No Games what so ever have been played (certainly no scrabble!!).

Although I’ve had the odd burst of gym enthusiasm over the past year, my visits have dwindled so much that I’m shocked every time I do manage to walk through the door and my card allows me through the barrier. I’m very much back to square one! Fitness levels are non existent right now, I managed 20.5km on the bike tonight in 65 minutes – Pathetic! And following my recent trips (oh yeah they’ve happened in the time since my last post, along with my birthday and my sisters) evidence of everything I’ve eaten and drunk over the past few months has taken residence on my stomach! Joy!  

My holiday in Barcelona was lush – Had the best time. It was relatively lazy, I’m really not sure how Mum and I managed to get some much of the touristy bits done last time we went, but because we had seen so much already we just enjoyed the city and the gorgeous Spanish sun. Race day on the Sunday was particularly hot especially being sat on a stand with no cover what so ever; my freckles definitely got topped up! We spent a day at the beach, I managed to have a little swim in the sea, and just enjoyed some much needed R&R. Following on from our last visit where I took my Mum to Uma (an alternative restaurant, think Heston wacky) I booked us into a more suitable restaurant this time around – Accès (www.acces-bcn.com/en) it was amazing! Staff were a delight and the food was outstanding; my Mum actually said that it’s the best meal she’s ever had. Throughout the holiday I also enjoyed numerous gin and tonics and sangria – It would have been too rude not to – Me gusta gin y tónicos y sangría.


Me and Sissy also spent a lovely weekend in Edinburgh (pre birthday girlie getaway). We flew up from Southampton on a little noddy plane (terrifying). Checked into the hotel and then had a little look around before heading back to the room to get ready for dinner. We had booked into Forage and Chatter (www.forageandchatter.com) and had the most amazing steak, it was delicious, so yummy. It would appear that Forage and Chatter is the place to go as Justin Trudeau visited a few days later whilst staying in the city. My sister then found an absolute hidden gem of a bar called Panda & Sons (www.pandaandsons.com) Such a cool place, from the outside it looks like a barber shop, you walk downstairs and through the bookcase door into the bar. Table service so no pushing and queuing, cocktails delivered right to you – Amazing!  We spent the next day exploring the Castle and the sights and then as we were in Scotland thought it was only fitting to try some Whiskey, so we went on the Whiskey Experience (which following on from the Bananaman cocktail my sister had had in Panda the night before we weren’t so sure how much of a good idea this was). All went well and we both found whiskeys that we like – It will obviously never be my tipple of choice, no spirit can replace my love for gin.


Although I’ve been feeling completely low and out of sorts of late, I have shared some really lovely fun family days with my Mum and Sister namely at stately homes and palaces. On my birthday we spent the day at Blenheim Palace and then a few weeks later we took a day off work and visited Hampton Court. Our family days have had a rather regal grand theme to them. Last Monday was my sisters birthday, she wanted to visit The Tate Modern so that’s exactly what we did. I was very sceptical about this, however I found myself appreciating some (you can’t appreciate all of it, a yellow Perspex triangle stuck on the wall and varying filled levels of Coca-Cola bottles are not art in my opinion, but what do I know?!?) We ended our visit with a scrummy afternoon tea at The Swan at The Globe (www.swanlondon.co.uk/afternoon-tea) complete with a Love Potion cocktail (I’m still awaiting the effects however)


To summarise, I’ve not been to the gym (and my tummy proves this) I have enjoyed some rather scrummy food (gin and sangria) in Barcelona, Edinburgh, Newbury (www.lussokitchen.co.uk = Best gelato and http://www.arigatodining.co.uk) and London (again my overindulgence is clearly visible).  

This time last year I was shattered and instead of turning a negative into a positive I’ve allowed this feeling to make me feel shit. Well enough’s enough and I need to take control again and to quote the gorgeous Bradley Simmonds I need to “Get it done” 

So watch this space 
L x

The Fat Friend

It angers me so much when perfectly healthy gorgeous women are labelled the ‘Fat One’. Jesy Nelson from Little Mix has been the target of yet another abusive attack following the bands performance at The Brits Wednesday evening. Why are girls so sodding spiteful?!? How many of the nasty insignificant girls (they’re not women) would have the courage to even get up on stage in front of thousands of people, let alone get up on stage in a skimpy outfit! I know I wouldn’t be able to.  People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!

Having always been the ‘Fat Friend’ I feel an overwhelming respect towards Jesy. Let’s face it if you’re even one dress size larger than your friends you’ll always look bigger. That being said a size 12 is not big, far from it.

I hated school. The reason for this was bullies. I’ve already mentioned that I was the ‘Big’ one (I was around 5ft 6″ and a size 14 when I started secondary school) and I had it all stacked against me; I had acne (the joys of PCOS) my hair was auburn with a natural wave to it (pre Ghds) I had train tracks and I became short sighted at 14 so began wearing glasses (thankfully only to read the whiteboard and my lovely mum bought me Gucci glasses, so they were fashionable at the time). Seriously I was a bullies dream, handed to them on a plate (or school bus).

Weight and size should mean nothing – Personality and confidence is what counts. That being said, when you’re constantly faced with images of Skinny Minnies and you hear or read nasty comments about larger women it’s often difficult to believe that’s true. I mean my ‘Mission Love Me’ is basically about me losing weight so that I will love myself and change my body to became what I perceive men want. Those vindictive words said to me whilst growing up got me to my core, I remember every single jeer, every tear I cried. In many ways I’m thankful to the bullies, they gave me my hard mardy exterior, to which many may get the impression that I’m confident; but really I’m shy and the bullies left me with scars, scars from a battle at 32 years old I’m still fighting. ‘Mission Love Me’ is just that – I go to the gym now (still not as often as I should) to help me feel good about myself. To change my body, and my state of mind. No matter how much my body changes, I will always be the ‘Fat Friend’ and I fear I will always be in the search of ‘perfection’.

Gym visits this week = 3

Not my best efforts I know, and again I do feel bad. I went on Monday for PT for another session of torture fun! I said to Phil that I’m basically the female Karl Pilkington – I’m always moaning haha. I also hit the gym Tuesday and Thursday. I should have gone Friday, but I just wasn’t feeling it this week. It was a really long week, that had got me a little down and more mardy than the norm so I just wasn’t in the mind-set for working out.

On Wednesday I got some news that I wasn’t expecting nor was I prepared to see. It upset and made me angry even though there was no reason for it to which then makes me even more angry for being annoyed and angry in the first place – Does that make any sense at all? Either way my gorgeous sister sensed and knew that I’d be feeling mopey so she came over for dinner with a lovely bunch of roses to cheer me up – Thanks Sissy x

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Last night I went for dinner with one of my oldest friends, we’ve know each other for 17 years now, which is crazy! We had a lovely meal in Bills and I caught her up on my ‘Eastenders’ soap opera life. There were lots of “No!” “I can’t believe it” and “WTF” said through out story time last night, as tragic as my life is, it does make my friends and me giggle and smile.

Hot of the press today – We have booked our holiday to Florence. Yippee!! I’m so excited, June can not come round soon enough. The countdown to gelato, pizza, pasta, wine and espressos has begun!

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Oh I also went on a date this afternoon. Not sure there was a spark, however it went well and I haven’t ruled out seeing him again. So all in all my week of ups and downs has finished on a relative high.

L x